Who Needs Sleep? (Me! I do.)

Remember when you were a kid and couldn’t sleep because you were too excited about something? Ya. Totally have that right now. 😒

So let me tell you a little bit about a legitimate thing that does keep me awake besides excitement. 😄

To the best of my memory, I have never slept well. “Light sleeper” doesn’t begin to describe how easily I could be woken. Years have passed and although I don’t sleep as lightly as I once did, I can confidently say that I am a heavy dreamer. My mom used to cringe when I would initiate a conversation with, “Last night I dreamt…”. Fast forward about 30 years and I’m sure you can find the same look on my face that my mom had.(Hey, Ma! I get it!) My 9 year old son now perfectly imitates what I must have been like as a kid. He will start recounting every strange, nonsensical detail of his dreams and I feel every ounce of my moms’ confusion and bewilderment when I would tell her mine. But then I started having dreams that would put my weird dreams to shame and I fear so badly for my son that I may have passed this on.

When I was 21 I started getting terrible nightmares that, through my own research, learned were part of a condition called sleep paralysis. The first experience I had included a dream of being abducted by aliens. I dreamed I was laying flat on my back on a hard, cold, metal table with an operation room light overhead. Staring down at me were blurry alien faces typical of those you might see in an alien movie created by people with little creativity and originality. The operating room lights were the source that began my levitation off the table and into the waiting spacecraft. At the moment my body began to lift into mid air, something unclear to me suddenly halted the process and I was dropped back onto the table. I was jolted into a conscious state, knowing fully I just experienced a nightmare, but I was paralyzed. I will never forget the physical feeling of having just been dropped from several feet in the air on to my mattress. My whole body tingled as your foot would as it gains feeling after having been “asleep”. But as I gained awareness that it was only a dream, I found myself unable to move. I could not do so much as raise an eyelid to assess and guarantee my surroundings. I was frozen.

Since then, the dreams have manifested consistently as loud, sinister, and terrifying. Most commonly I will experience a poltergeist energy that presents as invisible yet audible. Each time I will hear loud, demonic voices yelling words I never remember directly in my ear. In my dream I confront the invisible forces, demanding that they leave me alone. However, my voice will not come out. During this process, I start to realize it’s a dream and consciously try to wake myself. I don’t know how long it takes me to actually wake up, probably only a few seconds. But once I am awake and fully aware of my surroundings, I can’t move a muscle. I can’t open an eye, move a finger, or even call out to my husband. Nothing works. I am paralyzed.

For a while, I was able to avoid this affliction by not falling asleep on my back. Through my own awareness and careful internet research (no, not really, just Googling the heck out of “sleep paralysis”😆) I came to learn that positioning during sleep could have something to do with bringing it on. Unfortunately this only worked for a while and I now find myself confronted with it no matter how I sleep. I’ve also learned it can be something to do with vitamin and/or mineral imbalances and sleep patterns and habits, For me, it’s just part of the strange set of ailments that make me who I am. 🤷🏻‍♀️

First blog post

Blogger? Blogette? Bloggerl? Whatever the title, I’ve done it!  I always have so much on my mind and some of it I fancy worthy of sharing.  It’s going to take some time for me to use this new platform with ease and I thank you in advance for your patience.  One thing I can promise is to never be boring!

I decided to do this because as much as I love FB I find it to be a place where we must tread lightly, be mindful of our opinions, and never let our guards down in defense of hurled judgement.  I hope to have this be a place where we feel free to genuinely connect.  I wanted a place where I could share pieces of my mind and heart;  a journal of sorts perhaps.  I’m guided by my intelligent WordPress hints and tips to share a little of who I am for starters so, here goes nothing.

As a woman who, growing up, never wanted children, I find it thoroughly entertaining that at 41 years old, I still ache for a third baby.  I realized the very second I found out about my first pregnancy that I was born to be a mom to three.  My husband didn’t share my vision and I reluctantly settled myself to the idea that we would always be a family of four.  To this day, I don’t hold him accountable or resent him for that.  I put that on myself.  My youngest is now 7 and my three-baby-ache remains.  I should have fought harder. “Never give up on your dreams” was a hard lesson this time around.  However, I am happier than a pig in poop and blessed beyond measure to have my two amazing sons that bring joy and challenge, but  most of all, purpose to my life.  Young Randi was so wrong about never wanting kids.  She didn’t know then that she needed them.

I’m a glass-half-full kind of gal, who wears her heart on her sleeve.  Bottling things up in that half full glass of mine just doesn’t work for me.  How would I continue to fill the glass with a bunch of unwanted crap in there?

Ikea is on the agenda today and I’d like to get there soon to beat the Saturday rush, so I’ll be back later, but here is my start!  Welcome!!